whilst wrapping some presents and shotguning a beer,
Thou I did always wonder what was under Kate Middletons dress?
Canadian politics made headlines for a junkie who threw himself on the sword,
Who knew the tapes were rolling? My new hero’s name is Rob Ford,
Mandela passed away and the world was in awe…
One man, one vision that in the end we finally all saw,
Some stars became famous, some faded away,
I’ll bet that Miley Cyrus is one hell of a lay,
But back to the season and why were all here,
To remember baby Jesus and his eight tiny reindeer,
How he carried a cross in the back of a sleigh,
And worked those poor Wiseman without any pay,
To remember that god invented Coca Cola and from that we found Clause,
And that VISA invented interested a side effect of the holiday cause,
It was a year to remember that Chris Hadfield flew into space,
And that 21 years of education would have gone unnoticed if he hadn’t packed his guitar case,
We learned that Obama Care failed from a man who shifted the focus from war,
Give a Yankee a gun and they’ll forget there health’s poor,
We saw a Duck Dynasty album outsell Brittany Spears,
She’s got some talent, but to grow those beards it took years,
On the eve of Kixmas perhaps it’s best to reflect on your days,
Did your year of checking FaceBook at work really deserve a pay raise?,
Did you feed a needy child or just stuff your round face?,
Did you take the stairs or just watch from the elevator while you rose into space?,
Did you do everything that you swore this year you would do?,
Or were you to damn hung over to even lace up a shoe?
Take advice from me I once played a Doctor on T.V.,
Or listen to the advice from a Seuss a Doctor who’s words will keep your neck out of a noose,
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Tonight’s the night you look up in the sky,
& wonder to yourself have I been a good guy?
If you’ve been coveting thy neighbour or stealing from KixStop,
They I’ll tell ya right now it best fuking stop,
If you stub your toe and yell “Jesus Christ !”
There’s a pretty good chance Santas interest in you won’t suffice,
Another year in reflection and perhaps not a moment too soon,
‘casue Santa knows that you pissed away your hard earning on cheep bottles of goon,
Now dash away, dash away, and get out of sight,
For when you awake in the morning the headlines might be of you and your plight,
MERRY KIXMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!