2015 Magic Little Tattle Tale

  He sees you when you're sleeping,
 He knows when you're awake,
Now Santas hired it all out to spy agency for Christ sake!
 
He watches you over breakfast,
He sees you on the can,
In that little red outfit he looks to be as straight as Peter Pan,
 
He's Santas slippery little helper,
Moving only in the night,
He's as untouchable as the Mafia,
And has children in quite a fright,
 
Magic Christmas powers that if you touch him go away,
After an accidentally brushing, little Isabella from America thought 911 was the only way to save the day,
 
Not even a finger to lay a hand,
Not so much as a toe or even a foot,
This little amputee keeps you in line with just his look,
 
Like a Christmas Mona Lisa with those creepy little eyes,
Reporting back to Santa about every little lie,
 
One morning I stand there peeing with my man hood in my hand,
Looking over my shoulder is "Mr Judgemental" all the way from magic land,
 
Well I never got my world peace and the Dolphins weren't all saved,
I never got my monster truck or bikini models wrestling in a cage,
 
I never got my six pack abs or skinny jeans that fit,
Actually the more I think about it, that little Elf is full of shit!
 
Sleepless nights I lie awake wondering where he sits,
Thou he clearly didn't report to Santa what I said or what's on my list,
 
Next year there'll be some renovations and I'm removing all the shelves,
Next year I'll be as naughty as I want without that creepy little Elf! 

 He see you when you're sleeping,
 He knows when you're awake,
Now Santas hired it all out to spy agency for Christ sake!
 
He watches you over breakfast,
He sees you on the can,
In that little red outfit he looks to be as straight as Peter Pan,